Questions to Ask Before Matching With a Surrogate (or Intended Parent)
- Jae Evans
- Apr 24
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 25
The Essential Questions for a Safe, Supportive, and Aligned Surrogacy Journey
By Quest Surrogacy
💬 Why These Conversations Matter
Whether you’re an intended parent navigating the surrogacy process for the first time, or a gestational carrier looking to carry for a family whose values align with yours, the conversations you have early on can shape everything that follows. Finding the right questions to ask a Surrogate or Intended Parent is key to a successful, healthy, and loving surrogacy journey.
These questions aren’t just logistical—they’re emotional, ethical, and deeply human. Asking the right questions can help you:
Avoid misalignment and unmet expectations
Build mutual respect from the start
Create a more empowered, informed, and intentional journey
And if you’re doing an independent surrogacy match (outside of agency-led matching), these questions become even more important.
🌱 For Intended Parents: Questions to Ask a Surrogate
Here are some of the most important things to explore when you're meeting a potential gestational carrier:
✅ What inspired you to become a surrogate?
Understanding their motivation helps you connect with their “why” and ensure your values are aligned.
✅ How do you envision your relationship with us during and after the journey?
Some GCs want regular updates and connection. Others prefer more distance. Make space for honest conversation here.
✅ What does support look like for you?
From emotional care to boundaries and communication, this is a chance to show up intentionally.
✅ Are there procedures or medical decisions you're not comfortable with?
This includes things like selective reduction, birth preferences, or medication use.
✅ Do you have children, and how do you explain this journey to them?
This can reveal how experienced they are in navigating the social/emotional aspects of surrogacy.
✅ What kind of communication feels good to you?
Texting? Weekly check-ins? Silence until appointments? Know what works for both of you.
✅ Are you open to chestfeeding/pumping, if you're comfortable and it's requested?
You don't need a yes or no right away—but having this conversation early can prevent assumptions later.
🧡 For Gestational Carriers: Questions to Ask Intended Parent(s)
If you’re a GC, you also deserve to feel safe, respected, and emotionally supported. These questions can help you gauge whether a match feels right for you.
✅ Why are you pursuing surrogacy—and why now?
This gives context to their story and the emotional place they're coming from.
✅ What kind of relationship do you hope to have with your GC?
Get clarity on how involved they want to be during appointments, birth, and beyond.
✅ What are your hopes for communication and updates during the pregnancy?
You should feel free to express your needs here, too.
✅ Are you comfortable talking openly about boundaries and emotions?
Surrogacy is deeply vulnerable. You deserve to be matched with IPs who honor that.
✅ How do you handle conflict or miscommunication?
This is key in independent matches where you may not have an agency mediating.
✅ How do you feel about public sharing or social media during the journey?
Aligning on visibility and privacy expectations is essential.
✅ What kind of support system do you have?
Understanding who's in their corner helps you know what kind of backup they’ll have.
🌈 Bonus Questions for LGBTQIA+ Surrogacy Journeys
If either the GC or the IPs are LGBTQ+, these questions can help affirm identity, invite visibility, and foster inclusion:
✨How has queerness shaped your family-building journey?
✨Are there parts of your identity you want honored or protected during this process?
✨How do you hope surrogacy will reflect your values or chosen family dynamic?
✨Are there specific words, traditions, or forms of allyship that matter to you?
💚 Final Thoughts from Quest Surrogacy
At Quest Surrogacy, we believe that matching isn’t about checking boxes—it’s about finding alignment, building mutual respect, and centering the full humanity of everyone involved.
You deserve a journey rooted in care, clarity, and community.
Whether you’re pursuing surrogacy as an LGBTQ+ person, an ally, a GC, or an IP—know this: asking the right questions is an act of love.
If you have any questions or want to learn more about how Quest Surrogacy can support you in your journey, feel free to reach out! email: info@queersurrogacy.com Our team is here to provide guidance, answer your questions, and help you explore all your options.
We’re with you every step of the way!
Warmly,
Team Quest Surrogacy
Our inbox is always open. Our hearts are, too.
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